Response to Robert's story "Pretend"

“Pretend” by Robert is a fresh story told from the point of view from an older man who is planning to rob a person at a gas station in the middle of nowhere in Arizona or New Mexico.  There is much suspense in the story, from the point we find out what the protagonist is going to do, to his spotting the woman he is going to rob, to his difficulty in carrying out the plan when he actually sets it into motion. By the end of the story, the character transforms into someone who is able to appreciate beauty in the world: the beauty of the West and the beauty of other people.

I think there are many great things going for this story. The plot itself is great; I personally have a great interest in literature from a criminal’s point of view, and I think many people do. It’s something that stays exciting no matter how many times it is tried. I like the internal conflict the protagonist suffers in his mind. I like that the story has a positive outcome: the criminal decides not to go through with his plan, and learns a valuable lesson about life and assumedly himself in the process. I also love the details in the story. I think they make it memorable and tangible. I particularly love the description of the cold metal tucked close to his body, the M&M’s he stashes near the gun, the touch of his hand against the gun as he reaches for the M&M’s, the naïve yet bold behavior of the woman in the car when she is frightened by the approaching robber, and the “koala bear hug.”

Like we mentioned in class today, one thing I would add to the story is a little bit about the protagonist’s history. It appears he’s a lonely man, but I’m not really sure what’s going on to bring him to this desperate criminal attempt. I know you’re going for a non-descript protagonist (hence the lack of a true name), but I think the story would benefit from a physical description of him besides a ballpark range of his age.  Also, the protagonist uses the word “beautiful” a lot. He does not automatically strike the reader as someone who would think of the word “beautiful,” given his intentions at the start. I’d like to be given just a touch of information to bridge the gap between the man plotting the crime and the man who sees beauty.