"Spanish Moss" by Ethan

            “Spanish Moss” by Ethan is about an irresponsible high school guy named Trig who goes to the creek with his friends Tommy and Blake to ditch school. We can assume that Trig is a very wealthy person, since both of his parents are doctors There is definitely an element of freedom Trig lives in: his parents leave for work in the mornings early enough for Trig to decide to skip school. In other words, Trig can do whatever he wants. This one particular day during the summer before high school, Trig and his friends go to the creek with some marijuana Tommy bought from a neighbor. While high, they find a bag with a dead child’s body in it, and it haunts them ever after.

            I really like the plot of this story. It’s not the ending I expected, but that adds to the creativity of the story. I think the characterization is solid, especially Blake, whose parents are more protective than Trig’s and Tommy’s, and who is more obsessive as a result. This is particularly evident in the way Blake is planning ahead, insisting on bringing the eye drops and beverages because he knows the weed will dry them up. This comes out too when they get high and Blake seems to become paranoid. Tommy’s character is also well done in his over-the-top behavior. The one character I don’t know well is the protagonist, Trig, who should be more accessible than the others, since he is narrating the story in first person.

            In a story like this, I think the setting is vital. Ethan has chosen to name the title after the Spanish moss that hangs over the creek beside which they discover this horrible dead body. Ultimately, I think this is a horror story, and the setting should be adapted to invoke the atmosphere of horror. This element does not have to be overpowering to be effective; it could be as simple as adding a few dark words to hint at the haunting that’s coming. As the story stands now, the Spanish moss doesn’t really do enough for the setting to warrant its position in the title.

"As big as light" by Robert

            “As Big as Light” by Robert is about an old house servant with dementia or some other condition that causes him to lose his memory. Taking the advice of a doctor, he writes down his memories so he won’t lose them completely. He recalls one memory from his time as a servant in which Adrian Huxley, the artistic son of the wealthy businessman James Huxley, talks to him about his dying mother and his stressed relationship with his father.

            Robert’s story is very nicely written. It reads smoothly, has great images, great language and a good sense of setting. Dean, the house servant, gives us some really good descriptions of the Huxley Manor, which are made even more precious by the great effort he exerts to furnish them.  I loved the description of Adrian’s domino portrait of Queen Elizabeth II, partly because of the point of view he tells it from and partly because of the rich detail. I think seeing this wealthy family and their interrelations from this aging servant’s point of view gives the story a really raw and powerful literary element. He gives us a view of the family’s most intimate reality, the story of the wealthy, seemingly perfect family that only someone like a servant could know.

            I think there are a lot of things Robert could do with this story, and if he does any of them with the same finesse in the existing story, it will be good. There’s nothing I would take out; I think everything works to reveal character, mood, and setting. I think it might be good to know what kind of person James Huxley really is: is he really hateful and not accepting of his son, or is this more a product of the emotional stress of the dying Mrs. Huxley? At the end, it appears Adrian has transformed from a boy to a man. I’m not sure there’s quite enough going on to understand how this came to be. Also, I’m not sure if the end is saying a boy’s tears are too sacred to lose or if certain tears are too sacred. All around, a really solid story.

"A Dream" by JJ

            I read “A Dream” by J.J. as a psychological narrative about a young man named Gabriel who is in a heavy depression. But of course, I am always looking for a psychological story, so maybe I am misreading it. The timeline of his life is a bit difficult to trace, but it sounds like he came out of a damaging relationship, then went to the United States Military Academy, then transferred to Columbia. He feels socially alienated, has low self-esteem, and persists in smoking weed, which seems to keep him trapped in a destructive cycle. He seems to associate hope with colors; whenever the fog lifts from his mind he immediately begins to see colors. At the end, he is inspired to write a story about a guy that is able to be there for a hallucinating girl who needs him as much as he needs her.

            This is a very well written story with some great dialogue and some unnecessary dialogue, and some very interesting internal thoughts from the protagonist, Gabriel. His friends, who are all stoners like him, seem to be pretty shallow. Gabriel, on the other hand, seems to be complex. On the one hand, he seems to really be grasping for the “colors” that he finds on certain special occasions, which inspires him to write; but on the other hand, he seems only interested in sleeping and smoking weed. I’d like to see some of these other characters somehow showing they are more than just stoners. Chances are, they are just as interesting as Gabriel, but I can see no hint of this. They all seemed confused, like they are in the “dream” that Gabriel finds himself in.

            The rainbow/colors motif is really beautiful, and even though it might be in the context of drug abuse, it is still a really tangible and relatable to explain the happiness and sanity the protagonist sometimes feels. There are a few characters that seem to be more important to Gabe than others: the blond girl near the beginning, the ex-girlfriend, and the girl at the end. These might even be one and the same person, but it’s impossible to tell. I’d like to know how all these characters are related. I also want to know why he went to military academy and what happened in his last relationship.

"Dreams and Reality" by Lauren B.

            “Dreams and Reality” by Lauren Barkley is a story about a high school senior Luke from Minnesota who wants to play college baseball in Mississippi. He takes the money he has saved up and flies to Mississippi against his parents’ will. Before he leaves, he tells his friend Eric that he will get in touch with him if something goes wrong. Sure enough, he gets to Mississippi, makes it through the first day of tryouts after a poor performance on the field, and tells Eric he is going to fly back home to Rochester because he has failed at his attempt to make it in college baseball. He goes into the tryout already unsteady and intimidated by what the coach says to him, such as the difficulty he will encounter coming from the high school world to the collegiate stage. When he comes home, he apologizes to his parents, telling them he did everything wrong and that he never should have left. To his pleasant surprise, his father got plane tickets to fly back to Mississippi, where I assume he will give it another shot, this time with his dad’s support.

            I think the story offers an interesting change that comes quickly over the character. This seems to be an impulsive character: his decision to fly to Mississippi alone was impulsive, as well as his frustrated return to his hometown.

            I think the story needs some work to make it more believable. Show us why he chose Mississippi, of all places, and what things influenced him to make this decision. Why couldn’t he have played baseball closer to home and still worked on his father’s farm? Also, does he have a scholarship or is he just wanting to get one? And if he does already have a scholarship secured, specify whether it is academic or athletic. If it’s a baseball scholarship, he probably will not be flying down just to try out for the team. He would already be on the team. Specify what exactly is going on here. Lastly, I think “tryout” is a more appropriate word than “audition” for something sports-related.

Response to "Aveux" by Taylor

            “Aveux” by Thomas Hardy is an emotionally charged story about a single father, Vince, and his struggle to raise his daughter Amelia to become a better person than he is. He considers himself a terrible person, yet he is unable or unwilling to break down and change, as he believes he must be strong to raise Amelia right. He is also inwardly torn apart by the guilt he feels over Amelia’s mother’s suicide. The story ends with his current romantic interest, Erica, shooting herself and framing the death on Vince. After the jury declares him not guilty, he promises to move with Amelia to Paris, and it is through her that he holds onto hope.

            Much like Taylor’s last story of the hotel manager, “Aveux” is driven by a selfish protagonist who realizes his own depravity yet continues to live in it. I fell for the protagonist; I thought he was complex and sincere and even hilarious, while at the same time being selfish and miserable. I think it’s remarkable how this characterizes human nature so exactly; and even if Vince is an exaggeration of this character, we can all sympathize with him. I laughed out loud when Erica asked Vince if he would leave her if not for the sex, and he replied, “You don’t even want to know the answer to that.” It’s always best to write about the stuff you know, and I think the legal aspect you have implemented in the story works really well and makes it even believable in addition to just heavy.

            There are some simple grammar errors that need fixing, particularly with capitalization (Shadow, the dog, should always be capitalized; church shouldn’t unless it’s the name of the church, etc.). A thorough read-through should fix those issues. I’d like to get a better idea about what was going on between Vince and Becca. It’s not clear whether she killed herself because of her religious hypocrisy or if she couldn’t stand being with Vince. Vince says he loved going home to his family after work, but clearly things were not well if Becca was so depressed and even having affairs to try to fill the void in her life. I think there are some very complex things going on in their relationship and would like to see those things explored.

Response to "Whatever Gods May Be" by Kody

            “Whatever Gods May Be” is a really powerful story about a small-town family and their religious journey. Thomas Abrams and his wife Bethany are deeply involved in the community church, and Thomas takes on the new role as the pastor. At first, it is a new profession that he enters with anxiety, but after awhile he gains confidence and falls in love with the pastoral duty. Complications start when Thomas finds out his wife is pregnant with a boy. He goes to Scripture for encouragement, but instead finds himself becoming increasingly doubtful and uncertain. The passage that particularly troubles him is the one in which Abraham is instructed by God to kill his son Isaac. His doubts only grow stronger, and the story ends with Thomas renouncing his position as minister, his wife remaining faithful by his side, and the birth of the son they name “Thomas” after both the father and the doubting Thomas of the New Testament.

            I loved this story, and I thought the atmosphere of it was very accurate to the small town it described. I could really see the shocked faces in the congregation and the elusive eyes after the service when Thomas told the ambiguous story of the apostle Thomas and later renounced his pastoral duty. I could also visualize the scene where Thomas comes home to a fried chicken dinner, before finding out the news that Bethany is pregnant; I also really like the description of their celebration at this news. I also thought the counseling meetings between Thomas and Russell and between Thomas and Bert Jenkins were also realistic and true to how such a pastoral meeting would actually transpire.

            There are a few characters that I would like to see more in the story. The Johnsons, for example seem vital to the story, as it is the grandmother Mrs. Johnson that gives Thomas the advice to follow his soul; I don’t feel like I know these people intimately enough. The same goes for Bert Jenkins and even Bethany. I think that realistically, Bethany would be a bit more hesitant at her husband’s decision to renounce his faith. I’d like to see this conflict fledged out more.

Response to "Casting Shadows" by Jeremy

            “Casting Shadows” is about a girl named Itami Aganie, who wakes up in a hospital bed. She is soon approached by a man named Kain, who instructs his apprentice Kage Hikari to train Itami. Kage tells her she’s now a Shinigami, meaning she is dead, and he soon takes her to Purgatory. She overhears a conversation between Kain and another man, in which she finds out that she is a Cultivated, meaning that Kain intentionally killed her because he knew she had a strong soul that he could use after death. Plagued by the idea that she has no choice, Itami decides she must run from everything, from Kain and even from Kage. As she watches Kage fall injured to her own sword, Itami makes the one decision that she thinks is truly her own: she stabs herself to a second death.

            This is an exciting, fast-paced, action-oriented story with fascinating locations. Itami seems to be quite a complex character, because on the one hand, she is scared and angry at the events that have transpired that are out of her control; yet, on the other hand, she is falling in love with Kage, a boy instructed to lord over her until she is a trained Shinigami. Surprisingly, Kage is loyal to his master Kain even when he finds out the detestable ways Kain has brought the Cultivated into Purgatory. I really loved the melodramatic ending, with Itami killing herself to gain control in a world that seems to give her no choice. I also liked the complicated relationship between Itami and Kage, and the suspense we are left with at the end, wondering if they will meet again and, if so, whether they’ll be free agents.

            The difficulty of this story is that a lot of action and characterization must be condensed into fifteen pages. All the events seem to flash by like bursts of light that quickly pass. It could be this factor or the Japanese names that make the story seem like genre fiction rather than literature.