Response to "Mountain Blood" by Cary Bayless

            “Mountain Blood” is a story about a friendship between two college-age guys, a friendship that grows stronger after an exchange they have at a camp in the mountains. It is also a story about Chad Grune’s struggle to move on with his life after his girlfriend is murdered. He thinks he is ready to let loose, to get drunk and find some girls to party with, but when he knocks himself out smacking his head against the granite table, his dream about the last moments of his girlfriend’s life return him to the reality that what he needs more than a good party is the solitude of the mountains and the companionship of a male friend.

            I really like what the ring does in your story. When we discussed the story “Emergency,” we talked about the knife as an object in the story that connected everything together. In your story, the ring does the same thing in a nice way; as soon as you started talking about the “something” that was in Chad’s pocket, my curiosity immediately drove me to wonder what kind of memento he could have in his pocket. As my curiosity piqued, you reveal to us at the end of his flashback-dream why the ring is so significant. I like that we don’t find out till near the end the full meaning of the ring; I think it builds the momentum of the story in a gripping way. I also think the first person point of view works well in the story, if for no other reason that it makes clear Chad is our round character, the protagonist who transforms during the story.

            I also enjoyed the imagery at the end, the light overcoming the darkness. I think the dialogue and interaction between Chad and Beau could be improved, particularly the part after the dream when the two are talking about how a person could be so depraved as to kill another. I was a bit skeptical when Beau said that he, Chad, and Julia are all lunatics like the killer. I understand that he’s talking about an inner depravity, not necessarily saying that they are murderers; but still, it doesn’t quite seem like something he would say. It felt forced, too V-for-Vendetta-ish. I would expect something more like, “He’s a fucked-up lunatic, but we can’t let people like him control what we think about the world.” Finally, I really like the “caring without pity” image you’ve painted in Beau. I would think of a way to express that image by showing it rather than telling it.