Response to "Lessons" by J.J.

“Lessons” is a satisfying story: satisfying in a diabolical way, but satisfying nevertheless. It is a tense, suspenseful story about an American touring in southern Italy. This boy, who I take to be between 17 and 21 years old, has a specific set of cynical beliefs, which end up in the passenger’s seat after the twist at the end of the story.

The tension that builds in the story is enthralling, and the character development of the boy is also nicely done. He is cynical. There is also a story underneath the obvious story, which you give us subtle hints about in the story, such as the “intent gaze” of the boy as he looks out the train window. The dialogue is also really nicely done. I love the satisfaction we get at the end of the story when the boy’s skepticism about this creepy old man is confirmed, but the boy ends up with all the money. I also found myself diabolically pleased that the American triumphed over the Italian; and the stereotype you played on in the story is so true: that Europeans act like they created time, and that they always seem to have something to say to people who have a “hungry eye.” This “hungry eye” is another subtle hint you dropped, and turned out to be true in a cool, ironic way.

The main objection I have is this: if the boy is about to pickpocket this man, he’s going to be really nervous. I’m not sure he would have the calmness and coolness to ponder whether the man’s smile was genuine or not, as his thoughts would likely be self-conscious, frantic, and maybe even neurotic. And I doubt he would seem annoyed at the Italian’s too-easy manner; he’d be too preoccupied with how he was going to get the wallet. I think the way you’ve narrated the encounter could work if you made it more clear that he was more anxious than annoyed by the old man. I saw it heading in a direction where the conclusion would reveal to us whether the man was genuine or whether he was a child predator. I think you need to lead us in such a way that there’s never really any speculation that he could be a child predator. To me, the story was more about genuineness and mistrust in people in general than it was about a dangerous situation. To me, it seems like the story threatens to split in two different directions: I just think you need to strike out the dangerous stranger possibility that lingers in my head during the story.