“The Last Bit of Home-made Sugar” is a regional short story about a boy whose perfect world is tainted by a neighbor’s heart attack and death. It is the first time he has seen a person die, although he seemed to be mentally prepared for such occasion, since several members of his family are advancing in age. Witnessing the death makes him feel alone, something he’s never really experienced before. The loneliness is visualized provocatively at the conclusion of the story when he is alone in the dark on the side of the gravel road, abandoned by his family, who are rushing to get Jonsey to the hospital.
The imagery and descriptions in the story are beautiful. The story is filled with colors and tastes, which really make the setting come alive. “The taste of conifers,” the surrender of the forest from green to white, the calls of whooper wills, and the bakalaka are sensuous descriptions that make the writing very visual and colorful. Also, the constancy of sugar throughout the story ties all the important regional realities together, and creates a startling contrast between the sweetness of his life and the bitterness of his experience at the conclusion.
One thing you could improve is the variation of sentence structures, which would add to the colorfulness of the story. Sometimes you will have a few sentences that have nearly identical length, followed by a short sentence. This variation is good, but still falls into a repetitive rhythm that you should consciously alter. I’d also like to see a little more character development, particularly the protagonist. How does he change over the course of the story? Most importantly, what are his desires? I feel like he is a complete and round character, and that the scene at the end establishes this, but I’d like to see concretely how he got there.
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