Response to "Secret Park" by Cole

            “Secret Park” by Cole Eady is a story about three friends who return to a spot they where they hung out in high school, called the Secret Park. In high school, they went there to smoke cigarettes and drink, but now, they are going there to get the overweight, cigarette-addicted protagonist in decent physical condition. His old buddies, Sean and James, were both athletes in high school, and the protagonist wasn’t. The protagonist seems to compare himself to the other two, particularly James. He is a thirty-year-old chain smoker, while James is a “chiseled” doctor who drives a Mercedes. At the end, the protagonist witnesses a life-threatening scene and makes a discovery that not all is roses in James life, when James stops running, paralyzed by an anaphylactic shock.

            The story is refreshingly original. I like the idea of these old acquaintances returning to a place they used to do “tomfoolery” in high school. It shows us that, while James and Sean have grown up and moved on with their lives, the protagonist feels like he has not made much of himself. I think the story could use some more dialogue to bring out the things that define each character. This would make the characters deeper. I didn’t find much depth or roundness in any character in this story. I’m not even sure if any of the characters experience a change at the end. This is something that should be clarified, and the best and easiest way to do that might be through adding more meaningful dialogue.

            There are some really great word choices scattered throughout the story. The life of a doctor is “sublime,” the narrator “fiddles” with his wristwatch as he lies, the “grueling” final lap, the “drenched Beastie Boys T-shirt that was trickling sweat down onto his shorts.”

            There are also some things that need elaborating, mostly relating to the characters. For instance, at one point the protagonist observes a father and child in the park, and says the father was apathetic toward the child. This seems a little out of place, because we see nothing that shows why the father is apathetic. It seems to say something about the character, as well, to judge the father that way; there needs to be further development of the cynicism of the protagonist.