"Perfect" by Laurel

            “Perfect” by Laurel is about a young girl who went off to college and intentionally changes her personality to the “perfect” person she idealizes. To complete this transformation, she takes up a rebellious attitude toward her parents, abandons her best friend from high school Darcy, and acts ridiculously coy around guys. She is also portrayed as extremely vain, and I found myself cringing at the awkwardness of the scenes where she is interacting with guys, thinking they’re interested in her when they are really just laughing at her. At the end, sitting alone to a dinner she made for her neighbors, she comes to the realization that she has become a monster. We see her change occurring as she invites her old friend Darcy over to hang out.

            Right off the bat, I would give this girl a name. I don’t think we’re gaining anything by not knowing her name, and things get really confusing, especially in the middle when she is interacting with Carly and her boyfriend in the restaurant. I really like the italicized thoughts of the protagonist; they help exteriorize the self-absorbed nature of this girl. Another thing I found problematic was something we’ve discussed in class before: the character is unlikeable through the entire story. Only at the end do we see her do anything commendable, anything at all that makes us want to route for her. There needs to be at least something that makes us want to see her change, and I didn’t pick up on anything but her vainness in all the content leading up to the realization on the final page.

            While the dialogue is good where it appears, it might be a little too sparse, and in between the dialogue there is too much telling of what the character thinks instead of showing it. The italics are good for showing her thoughts, but a lot of the other descriptions should be transformed into dialogue, or even the narrator talking aloud to herself. Overall, a really grabbing down-to-earth narrative with a character every girl can probably relate to, full of uncomfortable, awkward situations that make the reader long the happy ending that arrives just in time.