Response to "Dreams" by Jeremy Hare

The Japanese scene definitely seems like one you are comfortable thinking about, and that you enjoy writing about. I don't know much about Japanese names, but the three characters you have written about have names that sound naturally Japanese: Hikari, Sora, and Ryu. I think the story works well for several reasons. There is constant conflict between all three characters, which keeps the interest alive. The plot is simple, but it works because the conflict keeps the reader wondering what will happen next. Will Sora eventually defeat the master, Ryu? This does not seem likely at all, but nevertheless, there exists the possibility that this could happen.

            I had some trouble visualizing the characters, and I also found it difficult to connect to them on a deep level. The dialogue did not contribute to this difficulty, however; I would keep the dialogue, as it seems honest, moves the plot, and shows us the desires of the characters. However, I would add a little more description in the form of action. I would include more action to try to show the reader what exactly you are seeing in your mind. The dialogue tells the story well; I just would like to see more things. I’d like to see Sora and Ryu fighting, and some nice concrete details that could be inserted with that. I’d also like to visualize more of the interaction between Hikari and Sora.

            I’m eager to discuss the story in class, as I think that will offer a lot more insight from you about the things you are seeing when you wrote this story. I’m really interested in seeing this action, which is something I felt did not happen to my expectation. I also could imagine this story lengthening into something longer, something not necessarily of novel length, but at the very least a much longer short story. If you did this, I think it would be appropriate to, in addition to describing some action and visual details, include some background on the characters. I’d like to hear about Sora’s family and upbringing in particular. Was there something that happened that made him particularly susceptible to the bullying he has experienced?