“Dreams and Reality” by Lauren Barkley is a story about a high school senior Luke from Minnesota who wants to play college baseball in Mississippi. He takes the money he has saved up and flies to Mississippi against his parents’ will. Before he leaves, he tells his friend Eric that he will get in touch with him if something goes wrong. Sure enough, he gets to Mississippi, makes it through the first day of tryouts after a poor performance on the field, and tells Eric he is going to fly back home to Rochester because he has failed at his attempt to make it in college baseball. He goes into the tryout already unsteady and intimidated by what the coach says to him, such as the difficulty he will encounter coming from the high school world to the collegiate stage. When he comes home, he apologizes to his parents, telling them he did everything wrong and that he never should have left. To his pleasant surprise, his father got plane tickets to fly back to Mississippi, where I assume he will give it another shot, this time with his dad’s support.
I think the story offers an interesting change that comes quickly over the character. This seems to be an impulsive character: his decision to fly to Mississippi alone was impulsive, as well as his frustrated return to his hometown.
I think the story needs some work to make it more believable. Show us why he chose Mississippi, of all places, and what things influenced him to make this decision. Why couldn’t he have played baseball closer to home and still worked on his father’s farm? Also, does he have a scholarship or is he just wanting to get one? And if he does already have a scholarship secured, specify whether it is academic or athletic. If it’s a baseball scholarship, he probably will not be flying down just to try out for the team. He would already be on the team. Specify what exactly is going on here. Lastly, I think “tryout” is a more appropriate word than “audition” for something sports-related.
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